I was only left with my eyes to cry

 

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.......

 

It is senseless to brood over your past mistakes and failures as it will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. The only thing that can be done is to  learn and try not repeat them in the future. Few years ago I sat for my ordinary level with 9 subjects to validate. Of this 9, I was confident if not cocky about my ability to pass 8, but I had the opposite feeling about the 9th. Mathematics. I’ve always hated mathematics and it didn’t help that we had very impatient teachers. I loathed it to the point that I didn’t care at all if i passed. I think it’s safe to say that I didn’t even want to pass: that’s how much I hated it. 

My elder brother was willing to teach me for a time but I was so uninterested that I avoided the topic whenever he brought it up and when he insisted, I would tell him I had a serious headache. My friends who were typical science students also tried to teach me but their method was too complicated. It made me feel like maths was just for science students, so I got discouraged even more. I began to see  studying maths as a waste of my time, considering that i had other subjects which i was more productive in: which didn't make me feel like a loser each time i studied it. When the time for me to write mathematics drew near, I became increasingly frustrated at how useless i was in the subject. It didn't help that we had to write the subject in the afternoon when the sun was overhead. Of course after everything I failed Mathematics, but I really  didn’t care. 

I proceeded happily to highschool and continued making plans for after highschool. The plans I had with my parents was for me to school in Ghana for university, i was thrilled because i didn't really fancy the universities here. Ghana has one of the best Universities in Africa and that's where i wanted to be. As the chips were barely standing in place, my parents discovered that, the main subjects which was required for me was Mathematics and English. How ironical, the very subject i had loathed and not put in any major effort to pass was the deciding subject needed for me to attend my University of choice. That was so heart breaking for me because like many other non science students, i didn't feel like i needed Maths in my future courses and University education. 

As many who have had this realization before me, those that are still going through it and that those that will unknowingly follow that mindset, i was only left with my eyes to cry. I realized the reason why the GCE board priotized Mathematics, English and French. But it was so late for me, I didn’t want to school in a Cameroon university, I wanted to get more qualifications by going to a good university and Ghana is rated with the best universities and I lost that chance just because I didn’t have Mathematics . I wept. My parents tried to encourage me and told me I could write in upper sixth and i was inclined on rectifying my mistake. Unfortunately, Mathematics had a clash with my main course in the advance level and i couldn't write. I cried and cried but I couldn’t amend the situation. It became evident, I already lost my chance.

 It took me some time to able to rise up strong again and encourage myself that I could still continue and work on getting to where I want to be in life. Today I’m studying what I had always wanted with the hope of furthering elsewhere someday. Never minimize anything you have on board to do ,nothing is less important than the other, especially when your seniors emphasize on its importance. Put in all your best in everything you have to do even if it requires you going out of your way . Nonetheless, we will always have mistakes,  struggles, and even regret of things in our past, its part of being human. It is imperative that we realize that we are not our mistakes, we are not our struggles and cherish the fact that we are here NOW and have every power to shape our future. Despite our numerous failures.

By Melody